What makes for a good beginning to a relation?
Men and women are much more alike than different. The few gender differences that are real are also what make men and women want to be with each other. How you work the difference in the beginning usually foretells where the relation will go and how it will get there.
One of the largest differences is in the woman's lead in emotional and intuitive power. Directed action and logic at a distance from one's feelings comes easier to most men than women. Men have the feminine strengths as a lesser part of themselves and likewise for women having what men have.
The differences tell you what men hope for in the relation and not only in its beginning. Men want women to come first in things that they see as past their intuition or their ability to know by feeling. Your intuitive energy has a quality that men often see as magical for having less or little of it. A man will easily trust his intuition when it tells him to follow the deeper and more sensitive ways of a woman's nature.
Men have a good inner sense for the action belonging to a situation. They will take the lead, and without thought, when you are working on things together. Their greatest wish is for you to put your glee and the energy of your feelings into what you do together.
Men are comfortable following your lead when they sense it better belongs to you. They will admire and respect you when this happens. And when their inner way tells them to go first they feel uplifted and heartened to know that you and your ways go with them.
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What does it mean when men say they will call and don't?
Men need to feel certain of the prospects between themselves and you before committing their energies. His inner doubts about himself or you can make him pause and even retreat. His afterthoughts can make him so ambivalent about his purpose and his ability to secure it that he will get stuck.
The male need to feel sure enough that his actions will succeed can tolerate only so much doubt. Men will prefer to miss a good option to the uncomfortable feeling of their energy fouling within them. If you think you can do well together and that he is hung up with doubt then call him. He will admire your taking action as something he would do and he will then want to learn more about you.
The moments when you first meet are steeped in anxiety for men. Their sense of merit for themselves is at risk and their wish to know the right thing to do in your eyes preoccupies them. These feelings paradoxically drive men deeper into the fray in the hope of discovering their worth and the wished for insight into what women really want. The morning after he has taken your phone number he is likely to be without these feelings. He will be thinking more clearly about your time together and less about his anxious concerns.
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Sometimes women can be so silly. Is there a message in this?
Their silliness comes from one of their very best parts. Their feelings leap quickly and easily into what comes their way, much more so than for men. When she is silly with you she is telling you about the rush of good feelings she gets when you are near. Her message is that she wants to share with you how nice the world is with you in it.
Women share their inner feelings of play or joie de vivre with men they trust and whose interest they hope to win. They value their delightful ways highly because they know how much they can light up someone else's life. They give themselves these things all the time and they very much want you to see the magical energy they have in store for you.
Her silliness invites you to play with her. It is an invitation a mile wide to frolic with her because she likes what she sees in you. She is giving you a key to getting closer to her, and fast. She will love you for playing with her and sharing a part of herself that she values greatly. She will take your glee as a sign that you understand her and that you prize her make up.
Women admire a sporting instinct in men. A throw away attitude towards life's risk also throws away her anxieties and draws her interest your way. She sees a welcome relief from her inner concerns when you play with her.
Women usually assume that men are unwilling to freely express themselves. They will feel that you are in good touch with yourself when you play with them. And they will take your play as coming from your perception of the good things in them. Your play, or teasing, works to lift the anxiety of the moment and opens up to you the rewards she has in mind to give you.
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Why do women seek men who treat them badly?
Adolescent and young women, say under 25, often have this preference. What's more, they usually have a need for it. They see power and risk taking behavior as reassuring signs of strength. And for as much as they savor it, they eventually outgrow it.
The real issue is where they are psychologically. Females between puberty and early adult life are anxious within about leaving home and finding their way in life. Males of the same age have less of such concern than females. A young male's bravado and abandon over dangerous pastimes can go a long way to quell her inner fears. Deep within she knows the time is drawing near for her to make a go of life on her own. The real and scary risks are well known to her unconscious but have little access to her waking mind -- yet.
A blustery male can dupe a young woman into believing in his invulnerability. And he may also believe his own myth. These things, like the root fear of leaving home, are little known to her conscious mind. Her conscious experience is one of thrill and excitement with his triumph in reckless and dangerous situations. It is breathtaking proof that with him she is safe and out harm's way.
In time she will realize that it was all a beguiling ruse of nature trying to give her the pluck to leave the secure nest of home. At this later time women look back and laugh, usually with an inner sense of what it all meant. This is why one often hears mature women sharing laughter with comic tales of the young men they once found so seductive.
The preference for rough males should end somewhere in the mid- twenties. The young woman's longing for a warrior matures into a high regard for a man's sense of purpose and his power to stay focused. It turns itself into a special fondness for men who are responsible.
A woman who chronically wants rough treatment in her love life has a problem. What is normal, even healthy, for a teenager or young adult is unhealthy for a woman past say her mid-twenties. Seeking shabby treatment or pain serves a purpose in a masochist. Its unhealthy goal is usually to relieve unconscious guilt.
This works something like the process of confession. Some relief of guilt follows the humiliation of confessing to a crime. Conscious pain offers a masochist some relief of guilt unknown to the waking mind. Masochists know that what hurts them also delights them yet they rarely understand why this is so. They tend to attract males who have the flip side of their own problem, the sadists.
There is a place for some of the rougher side at all ages. The thrill of danger is real, exciting and often healthy. People of all ages take to mountain climbing, skiing, sky diving and other sports that involve personal risk. The key idea in matters of the heart is how much thrill over danger the relationship wants.
Your own good judgment will decide if she wants too much of the wild side in a relation. Chances are that if her preferences make you anxious then you would be wise to move on to someone who wants more of your tenderness and less of your power.
